Growing Up

I'm single.
You know what? It's not so bad. It's time we start growing up, both you and I.
I'm getting stronger with every post to this silly blog, and I'm sure you can see it too. It's been ten months since I've had a PTSD episode, and I haven't been upset about my ex-partner even once this year. I've held on tight, and for the most part, I've emerged unscathed.

My boyfriend and I just mutually (hardly) decided that we shouldn't be an item anymore. Why you ask? Because we all need to grow the hell up. Guys, I understand I'm a needy individual, and that's perfectly okay. But at the same time, intimacy or romance should not be a twice a month kinda deal. That's not a relationship I want to keep. I want to hold, kiss, and enjoy the company of my partner. This relationship, although I made some mistakes here and there, really makes me feel like I wasn't in the wrong.

I catered to my partner's needs as best as I could. I cared for him and did whatever I could with little to no notice. I held him while he was sick and literally nursed him back to health for days. I realize that there really wasn't anything else I can do. He simply did not want to be with me, because I was around so much, and the commitment for life scared him.

But I'm okay! I cried for the first few days, and I put my big boy pants back on. I wiped the tears away and pulled myself back onto my feet. I'm not going to follow my mistakes in the past, and I will push forward. I've been more productive this weekend that I have been in almost a year. I've seen more friends that mean so much to me, and even had time for a date.

Why was this time so much easier than my previous long-term breakups with my ex-partner and my Jewbu ex-boyfriend, whereas those times I was nearly paralyzed from the thought of life? Am I growing desensitized to emotional pain? Maybe those relationships people had a stronger impact on me?

All I know, is it's time to grow up, and I'm certainly not waiting for anyone anymore.